Father of the Bride Speech for Miriam

 Chapter 2

The rebellious teenage years

Yep that's me at about 19 years of age

I guess when I look back on my life, I tend to think of it as pre-school, primary school, and high school, then early 20’s, and beyond. If I look back in a spiritual sense though, it’s more like Presbyterianism, rebellion, searching, finding, pre-mission, post-mission and soon it will be a mission again.

I’m not sure what really sparked the rebellious phase in my early teens. At one stage, I thought it was all about surfing, but as I think about it a little more deeply, it was possibly initiated a little bit more by the counter-culture revolution of the 60’s and 70’s. Surfing was part of that revolution, but I think there certainly could have been room for me to keep participating in family Church attendance and also pursue my love of surfing.

The counter-culture revolution was a result of a few different factors coming together. One factor was the rise of feminism and at about the same time the invention of the birth control pill. Another factor was the rise of rock and roll, the Beatles, and the ability, with better electronics, for media like television (which came to Australia in 1956), to promulgate entertainment in a way that had never happened before. All this had an influence on me. I remember watching the movie of Woodstock, what was the catch cry? Three days of peace, love and music? Something like that anyway. It all sounded so cool. As I think about it now, it was probably really three days of drugs, music and immorality. But at the time, it probably influenced me. It sure looked more exciting than going to Church.

But what was really more exciting than going to Church as going surfing. How did I get in to surfing? Well, as I think back to school holidays and the occasional family holiday when I was a primary school aged kid, most of our holiday time was spent at the beach. I remember going to Barwon Heads when we were very young, swimming at the beach in the river, and as we got older and a bit more adventurous, going across the spit to Ocean Grove and catching little waves on my Zippy Board, which was basically a moulded plastic kickboard. I still remember being visually fascinated by wave shapes. There was something quite enthralling about it.

I’m not sure exactly when it was that Dad bought a couple of real Malibu surfboards. I think he knew the guy who was selling them. One was a real Log, and the other was a rather cool looking Fred Pyke board, a 9’3” I think – that was my board. Somehow Dad ended up with the ugly old Log. My best friend in those days was Ian Simpson, who was 3 days younger than me. He also got a surfboard at about the same time.

I would guess that we went surfing most weekends over summer, Saturdays anyway to start with. Then we started going on a Sunday afternoon, after Church, and eventually it was extended to some Sunday mornings and then most Sunday mornings. So, surfing became the new religion of the Ceff family, well, for Dad and me anyway. Eventually we bought wetsuits, from Rip Curl of course, and then we were able to surf year-round.

As we progressed, we were able to surf better and more challenging breaks. Surfing was a very cool thing to do and set me apart from the other kids at school and at Church. There was a pretty cool PE teacher at Geelong High too. Pip Cornall – a vegan, a conscientious objector to the Vietnam War, and a surfer. He had a significant and good influence on me and I keep in touch with him to this day. I think in some ways I wanted to be like him.

Dad was never particularly good at surfing, but he was a natural athlete and very fit. He was in his mid-forties at this stage. He had this weird idea surfing, that he would paddle his board out backwards, fin first, because it saved him from turning it around when he got out the back. If you look at the old family videos, you will see a quick clip of Dad out at Bells, which I filmed on the 8mm movie camera. You will see a lot more of me on the video though.

After Ian and I wore ourselves out in the surf, we would watch Dad ride a wave in. We were cold and hungry and keen to go home. He was so fit; he would just paddle back out to catch another one. It seemed that he had an endless supply of energy!

Dad was into other sports. He played competitive table tennis and squash. I got in to table tennis too, winning a B grade state sub-junior championship at one stage in my early teens. Dad was out a lot at night, running Scouts, playing squash and table tennis. It was around this time that there was an accident in the driveway at home.

Two of Mum and Dads friends, Charles and Joan Olley had come to visit one night. As they were about to leave, their car wouldn’t start. I was in bed by this time. All of a sudden there was some commotion. Someone came into my room to tell me there was a car accident in the driveway. I don’t remember anything else of what happened that night, except that Mum ended up in hospital, in traction, as her pelvis had been broken. She spent 6 weeks in hospital. It was life-changing for all of us. This happened while I was in my middle years at Geelong High School.

I learned later that what happened was this. The Olleys car would not start, possibly because of a flat battery. Dad got our car out of our garage and down our drive way to help start their car. He didn’t start our car. He opened the door, took off the handbrake and put it in neutral and gave it a push. As he jumped into the drivers seat, as the car was rolling down the hill, he hit the brakes to stop it, but he missed the brake pedal. Mum was standing in front of the Olley’s car and was hit by our car. Years later, Mum said she thought Dad did it on purpose. I never believed that. I think she just partially used that to justify leaving him, some years later.

Family breakdown

There were various factors that contributed to the breakdown in the relationship of my Mum and Dad. I don’t want to start attributing blame to either one of them, that’s not my purpose in writing here. Let’s just say it takes two to tango. There were faults on both sides. But I do want to talk about how the family breakdown affected me and my spirituality, my relationship with God, how I perceived my place in the world, and the purpose of my life.

Firstly, one of my Mum’s favourite sayings was (directed to me), “Your just like your father!” It was never really said in a positive way. When Mum announced one day that “we are leaving”, I saw it in a way as being a positive thing. If being like my father was a negative thing, maybe if I wasn’t around him so much, I thought I might be less like him.

After the car accident in the driveway, Mum was in hospital for six weeks or maybe even more. This left Dad and I by ourselves at home. Dad would leave for work before I left for school and get home after I got home from school. This gave me more spare time than I needed. Probably most days after school, I would ride my bike into Geelong Hospital to visit Mum. After that I would go home, but then I would often catch up with some friends from school, down at the Charles St shops in Newcomb. I have no recollection of meals at home at that time. I can’t even remember if my sister Laurel was still at home at this time or not. She may have been at University in Melbourne by this time. The key thing was though, that I certainly had less parental supervision at this time. Not that I got up to any real mischief, but I just think that I felt that I had more freedom as a result of Mum not being around.

It may have been only a year or two after Mum coming home from hospital that she announced that we were leaving. She told me that on a certain day, and I think it may have even been the next day, that we were packing up and going to live in a house in Belmont. It didn’t seem that I had any choice in the matter, and I just went along with it. I often wonder or even wish that I had said, “I’m not going!”

I attended Geelong High School for at least a year after Mum and I went to live in Belmont. I think I was in Form 5 (Year 11) at this stage. For my final year at high school, I decided to go to Belmont High. Looking back in my life this was a pivotal point. At Geelong High, I was a relatively high achiever. I was the kid in maths class that the other kids wanted to sit beside. I did 5 years of German, and while my verbal skills were less than proficient, my written skills were quite good. I think I had a reasonably good reputation at the school and probably had something to live up to.

Fitting in to a new school, and picking new subjects, was a bad thing to do for one’s final year of high school. Two other guys, one a surfer, were also new at Belmont High. Both were repeating year 12 after having failed at other schools. These were they guys who became my friends. And there were girls as well. I’m not mentioning any names here! Let’s just say my social life at Belmont High seemed to improve a lot, and it didn’t help me academically or spiritually.

Mum tried to get me to attend the youth group at Belmont Uniting Church. I never felt welcome there at all by the other kids. The minister there showed some interest in me, but I didn’t really connect with anyone. I was a surfer. I was from a broken home. I was different. I remember turning up there one night and I was embarrassed about our car. Mum had a little Austin A30 which wasn’t old enough to be vintage. It was old enough and ugly enough to look like we were really poor though. I didn’t like that feeling.

One good thing about living in Belmont was that I was closer to Torquay. I often would hitch-hike down to Torquay to surf either before, or after school. Wednesday afternoon was sports day at most high schools in Geelong, and the start of the Torquay Rd at the corner or Settlement Road was the place that everyone would line up on the side of the road to hitch a ride down to Torquay. Some guys would have their boards with them that made it difficult for them to get a ride. I left my board at Torquay, at Kevin Maddens place. He was a teacher of mine at Geelong High and we used to surf together, so my board was stored at his place. This often meant I could get a lift easier.

One time I was picked up by a bunch of guys who smoked a joint (cannabis) while we were driving down to Torquay. I think they offered me some but I declined. But some short time later, my two new friends at Belmont High offered to share with me. There was no pressure, but I think I just wanted to be accepted by them.

The first time I smoked it, we were right up the back of the school grounds hiding in the hedge. We were very lucky not to be caught and expelled I think. I think I vomited, which is not an uncommon reaction. But I think I did feel some euphoria. Anyway, next time I was offered it, I took it. It became a habit, but not out of control, and it just became part of the surfing lifestyle, while I was finishing year 12 and after I left school.

Don’t let anyone tell you that smoking cannabis is harmless. I went from being a maths whiz to a maths moron. Without my very dedicated teacher, Andy Robertson, helping me personally during his spare time, I never would have passed. Andy was super cool as he was also a surfer, living in Torquay, and I would often see him after school at Bell’s. I still see him at the beach regularly.

I failed English. I don’t recall ever failing a subject at school in my whole life. It wasn’t that I didn’t try, but my brain just didn’t work like it used to. We often attended classes while stoned. People were starting to notice it too. I was asked to attend the office at one stage, I think for a chat with my legal studies teacher and either the principal or deputy. My memory fails me here and for many details of the next 6 years of my life. Keep away from weed!  

Smoking dope was a form of rebellion and a form of escape, and probably another way of indicating to others that I was different and that I was also part of the “in” crowd. It was also a way of achieving an altered form of consciousness (escaping from a normal feeling which wasn’t always that good for me at this stage). Surfing really achieved all the same things I guess, but if there was no surf or I couldn’t go surfing, this was another way of escaping. But the side effects of surfing were all good, and there were no good side effects of smoking dope.  It really just made me dopey!